Sometimes, all we need is something small to remind us that we are not alone. Sometimes, the tiniest thing can serve as a sign that everything will be okay. And sometimes, you can find all that you need in own your backyard.
Last summer, the boys had orchiopexy surgery at the same time. As usual, the simple procedure required an overnight stay at Johns Hopkins to receive IV medicine that helps their blood to clot. Henry went through surgery and recovery with flying colors. Jackson did not fare so well. He was three at the time and did not like the hospital experience. He hated the IV and the fact that he couldn't get out of the hospital bed, and he just wanted to go home. The next day, when we brought the boys home, my mom came over to give us a hand. (For the record, I do not recommend having your one and three year olds go through surgery at the same time - it's exhausting!)
Within an hour of arriving home, Jackson started vomiting. A call to the pediatrician confirmed that Jackson's anxiety triggered Cyclic Vomiting had returned. The doctor told us to give him Pedialyte, and try to get his spirits up. We tried everything to make him happy and nothing worked. He was weak, lethargic, and vomiting every half hour. We were all very frustrated, over whelmed, and felt as though we were out of options. I had almost reached my breaking point. After eight hours, we decided that we should probably head to an ER, because dehydration seemed inevitable. At that point, he couldn't even walk himself to the bathroom. My mom went outside to get some fresh air and immediately ran back inside the house. She yelled for us to come outside and to bring Jackson. Michael carried out pale, practically lifeless, little boy to the backyard and what we saw took our breath away.
Our yard was filled with lightning bugs (fireflies, to Yankees). Actually, "filled" doesn't do it justice. It was as if there was a lightning bug resting on each blade of grass in our lawn. Our tiny yard had more blinking lights than the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. It was one of the most beautiful sights that I have ever seen.
I should mention that lightning bugs are Jackson's favorite. He watched the extraordinary light show that nature was putting on behind our house, for a few minutes. Then, he slowly slid out of Michael's arms and began running to them. As he ran, those beautiful blinking creatures swarmed his body and circled his head like a halo. It wasn't long before the glowing vision was accompanied by the equally gorgeous melody of Jackson's giggles. As he danced among the lightning bugs, we began to see his spirit renewed. When he grew tired, he ran over to me and said the words that I had longed to hear all day:
"Mommy, I'm hungry."
That was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. To my mom, my husband, and I, it was something that we shared that can never be duplicated. It was an isolated moment of divine intervention, that will remain with me forever. Sometimes, I need to remind myself of that night... of a time when I felt so helpless and something so simple, brought me so much peace. I have always been spiritual and I try to never doubt my faith. Witnessing an obvious sign from above made me reflect the simple things and how grateful I am to have so much faith and love in my life.
Spring is once again upon us. The other night, I happened to see three or four flickering lights buzzing around my front door. And with each flash, I said a silent prayer of thanks.
"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because, if it isn't there, then I never really lost it to begin with."
- Dorothy Gale, The Wizard of Oz
