A little late in the game and with much resistance, I have jumped on the Twilight bandwagon. I am reading each book in the series and following it immediately with the corresponding movie. While watching New Moon tonight, I became as giddy as a schoolgirl when Jacob Black, sensing Bella was in danger, jumped over the railing of his porch, took a flying leap into the air, and turned into a werewolf before hitting the ground.
It was so hot.
My husband was watching with me. My husband. My love. My soul mate. I sighed, knowing that he will never do what Jacob did. I don't mean I'm upset that he'll never turn into a werewolf. That's ridiculous. I mean that I don't think that Michael could gracefully hop over any railing to come to my rescue. Ever. If a pack of wolves cornered me outside of our house, he would probably hide inside, call 911, and cross his fingers. And in the event that he HAD to come outside, he would still ignore the railing shortcut and walk gingerly down the steps, being cautious enough to not stub his toe, or snag his flip flop.
There was a time when vampires and werewolves were the main characters in horror stories. Now, they are the main characters in love stories. These creatures have become representatives of romance and of true love.
At first, I didn't get the appeal of the Twilight Saga. Now that I have given it a chance, I am obsessed. And I totally get it.
The franchise makes vampires and werewolves become the sexy heroes.
The entire concept is genius. No one cares about romantic comedies anymore, because they are "real" people doing unrealistic things. Men do not ever interrupt weddings to steal the bride away from the groom. A man wouldn't stand in the pouring rain embracing his lover, oblivious to the weather. Men don't travel miles and miles to profess their love to someone they just met. Stephanie Meyer, the author of the Twilight series, has done the perfect thing. Since men will never live up to our romantic expectations, she has given us something that will: the supernatural. She has made every tween, teen, middle-aged, and elderly woman in the world who have read her books, stop wishing for Prince Charming and start yearning for Dracula. She made unrealistic, romantic dialogue acceptable, because the creatures speaking the words aren't real in the first place.
Vampires aren't real.
That's why it seems totally plausible that a vampire would utter the words, "Bella, you give me everything just by breathing."
If I heard Hugh Grant fumble that line, I'd change the channel while gagging. Robert Pattinson says it, with his pale skin and amber eyes, and I swoon.
There is nothing remotely attractive about Robert Pattinson, in my opinion. But, as Edward Cullen, the love struck 109 year old vampire who jumps between his soul mate and a minivan, smashing the van to smithereens, he's a dream come true.
Werewolves aren't real.
That's why it seems plausible that a sixteen year old boy, dressed in nothing but some frayed denim shorts, would jump twenty feet over his lady love's head and transform into a werewolf in mid-air, to protect her.
My friend Chrissy says that Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob, "looks like someone hit him in the face with a frying pan." And she's absolutely right. But, his tan, flexed abdominal muscles, glistening with sweat while he pleads with Bella to choose him... *sigh*. Those sixteen year old abs, alone, transform me into a dangerous creature myself - a Cougar.
Some women read romance novels and dream of a pool boy or fireman who will come sweep them off of their feet. These fantasies leave them drowning in disappointment when searching for their perfect mate. However, women know that they will never find a mate like Edward Cullen or Jacob Black, because not only are they fictitious, they are mythical. There can be no comparison to regular men. Stephanie Meyer has created her characters to be romantic, compassionate, thoughtful, protective... and as far from human as possible. And therein, lies the appeal, and the perfect fantasy.
So, it's okay that my husband is not the bravest of the brave. It's fine that he is not very athletic. And it's completely understandable that his belly is shaped more like a small keg than a six pack. Of course, he's not the "perfect" man.
He is only a mortal, after all.
