For those of you avidly following my blog, you will know that I am a devoted wife and mother who loves her children unconditionally. You will also know that I am in no way, shape, or form, what you would call a "People Person." It may come as a shock to you, then, that I once spent five years at a job that forces one to eat, sleep, and breathe customer service. That's right. For five (long) years, I worked at Walmart.
I always say that you should not be allowed to enter a store unless you have worked in the retail industry. You need to know what it is like to work in the trenches, before you are allowed to shop in them. I have decided to give you all a glimpse of what it is like to work in an environment such as Walmart. I have divided this entry into two parts, as to not overload you with the vital insider information I am about to share. Keep in mind, I worked at Walmart when I was between the ages of 17 and 22. My store, at the time, was not a Supercenter and did not have a Grocery section. It was just a plain, old Walmart. I am sure that much has changed since I worked there, but this is how I remember things.
PART ONE: THE ASSOCIATE
Walmart employees are known as "Associates." There was an understood hierarchy. Not among the managers, but among the Associates, themselves.
Cashiers were the low men on the totem pole. Little respect was given to Cashiers, because they only had to run the registers. They weren't very important to anyone, but the Customers, and everyone knows that the Customers are the enemy. They were considered a nuisance if they had to page a Floor Associate for something as trivial as a price check. After all, the Floor Associate had important work to do, like stocking shelves, making price changes, and answering stupid questions. It was customary for a Floor Associate to make clear to the Cashier how much he/she was inconvenienced by a price check page. The Floor Associate usually did this by finishing his/her soda in the Break Room, before answering the call. Plus, Cashiers were coddled. They had their own highlighter wielding managers (CSMs), who made sure that they all took their breaks at the proper time. All Floor Associates secretly resented them for that. As a Floor Associate, you were lucky to scarf down some Butterscotch Krimpets from the vending machine in the middle of an eight hour shift during the Christmas season. On slow nights, the CSMs, would send Cashiers to help the Floor Associates "Zone" (clean up their departments). This was always more trouble than it was worth. The Cashiers were fresh meat on the floor, not knowing where anything was located or how to help the customers. And they were always so excited to have their shackles removed from the register, that they were too perky and energetic. Floor Associates were jaded and hard and that helped them get through their day. Floor Associates had no time for "perky."
Floor Associates were divided into two sections: Softlines and Hardlines. Softlines consisted of the clothing departments - Mens, Ladies, Boys, Girls, Infants, Lingerie & Accessories, and the Fitting Room. Hardlines was everything else. While equally respected, the two sections were very separate. I spent a good bit of time working in Softlines. When it was decided that I would move over to Health & Beauty Aids, in Hardlines, I was all but given a going away party by my friends in Softlines. Sure, I was still working at the same store and was moving to a department only fifty feet away, but we all knew that intermingling between Hardlines and Softlines just wasn't done. It couldn't be done. They were just two very different worlds.
Stockmen were your multi-purpose Associates. They were really there to push in the carts, but they were so much more. They were good for getting things off of the very top shelves in the Stock Room by using the big ladder that scared me. They had the best jokes in the Break Room and were always there when you needed them... unless they were out smoking weed in the parking lot. But the main job of the Stockmen was to be eye candy. They were tanned young boys within my age group at the time. To this day, I can't see a college boy in a fluorescent orange shirt without my heart going all a-flutter.
And, finally, there was Lawn and Garden. The Lawn and Garden Associates were like their own exclusive club. They all hung out together and spoke their own language. They worked weird hours, half of their department was outside and they got to wear shorts in the summer. The coolest of the cool worked in Lawn and Garden and that was without question.
There is something interesting that you may not know, about the employees of Walmart. Walmart Associates do not have last names. Like the Men In Black, it is a privilege that you surrender the moment you put on that Blue Vest. You become your first name, followed by your department. Frequently overheard in the Break Room:
"Did you hear that Anna in Ladies Wear is dating Nathan in Electronic, again?"
"No, that's funny, because Karen the Cashier told me that Anna in Ladies went to lunch with Dan in Pets yesterday!"
(Yeah, that's right. I didn't change names. There are no secrets in the World of Walmart.)
The Break Room was our only solace. It was a place to vent, ignore pages, and, most of all, gossip. The gossip was out of control. The stories that were told, made-up, and exaggerated in the confines of the Break Room were the stuff of legends. I've witnessed firings, fights, nervous breakdowns, and nasty breakups, all while standing at the vending machine, deciding between Doritos and Krimpets for my seven minute dinner break. However, the drama was necessary. The harsh reality of fanny pack wearing moms beating their screaming kids were just beyond the swinging double doors behind Layaway. We had to keep our World of Walmart interesting, to maintain our sanity.
Well, that's it, for now. Hopefully, you have gotten a better understanding of the inner workings of a Walmart Associate. Be sure to tune in to my next entry, when I discuss the most ridiculous of all creatures: The Walmart Customer. (If my blog had a soundtrack, now would be when you'd hear the ominous "Dun-dun-DUN!")
